Six Degrees

So, in November I discovered the AMAZING show Six Degrees and watched all 13 episodes in about a week (which is fast for someone who mostly sleeps when not working). I can't believe it was canceled! It's one of those things that just had a lot of rotten luck (like being placed near Grey's Anatomy in 2006 - weren't they in competing time slots?), but also has some serious fans. I thought it was really well done and acted....follows 6 (mostly) people in New York and the ways their lives intertwine. There are few dramas like this I see and think not only is everything realistic (well, maybe except for some of Mae/Claire's issues), but I also LIKE everyone. Caseman was so "blaahhhh one-toned" some time he did get on my nerves, but I liked even him. Anyway I'm mildly obsessed with it and will probably draw more pics to express that.

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I drew this a few weeks ago from my downtown window...I don't know what this building used to be, but this sign's been on top of it forever.
I'll end with an awesomely horrible and LAZY sketch, which is how 90% of my sketches turn out. You can tell it was done with absolutely 0 thought or planning and can see what parts I completely didn't care about...men's legs, apparently. Oh well! These are all old - no time for sketching in December so far.

Oh, it's the holidays...

While everything related to driving pisses me off, I think HUMAN traffic patterns are interesting. Office patterns. Interesting how Monday morning of a big holiday week there is virtually no office noise (read - inhabitants) until 9:00 or shortly before. I expect come 4:45 p.m. this Wednesday the place will be dead silent, with the exception of ME.

Interesting weekend. Yelling fights, possible food poisoning, sleeping delusionally for 14 hours Sat/Sunday, jumping into a black abyss artistically. Not really, just that I bought those RAM canvases and have no idea what to do with them. Plus the guy tells me they're closing Dec 18th, not to reopen until March. Excellent. An approaching deadline in the middle of the holidays is exactly what I was looking for.

I'm having a problem because still, the only thing I feel like painting is a vulture. I can't do vultures here b/c I'm doing a separate collection. Also, I think putting prices on them makes me feel daunted. I don't want to think about $ b/c that makes me think that the point of this experiment is to try to SELL, meaning the drive behind a painting should be "what do other people want?" I don't think i'm in a solid enough position to give a crap what other people want right now.

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We are finally working on New Year's Eve plans, and Orlando is looking more likely. :) OMG I miss Orlando so much. I thought about going there after Thanksgiving, just on my own, but then I once again didn't get an oil change. Bother. I have this unfortunate mental image though of standing around some club at the midnight countdown amidst my friend (with her bf), and a bunch of guido-esque guys of his I couldn't be less interested in. I don't WANT to find someone I'm interested in, for the record, I just find third-wheeling moments a little trite these days. I shall sip my drink with a blase expression from the balcony.

At art walk, we met this french guy who went on and on about some European big-wig coming down from his castle and escorting all the American tourists over to his place for an after-party in 14 cars. I told J that sounded like a story to me, but she said it's likely for that part of town. All I know is I felt REALLY provincial after that discussion. I am reminded again that I am the only person I know who hasn't been to Europe/Asia/somewhere!! I haven't even been to the west coast of America. I really need to get out more.

I need to get healthy first. You'd think 1.5 months of iron would have done some good. Not according to this weekend.

Gravedigger ramble

The past 24 hours have been insane. Massively unexpected car crash (luckily only my car involved) after my first time hydoplaning (hates driving even more now) and a random door-to-door nurse who ambushed me in my office with the flu shot. And FYI - it makes your arm really hurt!! Anyway, I'm going to blah all the excess details about a more peaceful time...the Gravedigger's Ball!

Gravedigger's Ball 10/29/10
I get to K's later than intended (as always.) She opens the door wearing a costume much more appropriate for a 20-something than me: black corset, skirt, and stockings with super tall black stripper heels. She's got the cutest devil horns to round it out. Me, on the other hand, - wearing a child's miniskirt for $5 from Wal-Mart (it flounces!), black leggings with yellow/black striped leg warmers, black heels, a yellow shirt, wings, and bee antennas. I cut the shirt there so I could get a second opinion, just enough to show black tank top. My heels are modest and not stripper-like. Even so, I'm about 5'9'' and tower over her ala J-wow towering over Snooki.

Fl/Ga is always cramping my style, so I wasn't optimistic about parking, but we get right in for $5, sweet. I'd been feeling tired and nonplussed beforehand but once we got up to the bloody door I was REALLY excited. Ok, so VIP tickets were overpriced, and no one even checked for wristbands, but there were so many excellent costumes, like:

-gingerbread man
-crazy dancing Bert (ala Ernie and Bert)
-big giant alien
-about 50 Mad Hatters and Red Queens
-giant stilt bird
-oh, and at least 20 bee girls who looked way more like bees than my cheap a$$

First thing is this aquarium room (with another bee AND devil girl in it, I may add) where 2 women are giving crystal ball readings. We have to try this. I sit down and she asks me to picture a question, an issue that I need answered. I think about some dumb romantic question involving a guy. She squints into the ball.

"I see an airplane... a trip? A journey? But there is positive energy on this journey."

I mentally try to relate this to romance. She tells me she also sees stress and recommends that I close my eyes and count to 3 when I feel at my wit's end. I don't tell her I'd be doing that so often I'd be walking around blind.

MOSH is really the perfect venue b/c it's got so much that can easily become weird and creepy: giant teeth, dinosaurs, muscle tissue, etc. And it's all done up for Halloween. We push past some hookerish sailor girls and head up the stairs when all of a sudden, K's stripper heel just dies. The platform detaches and just hangs off sadly. Holy hell, this is not good. We make it up the stairs but her platform doesn't; it detaches and tumbles down. Like some dark, modern Cinderella. I awkwardly backtrack to get it, but luckily a pirate gets there first and hands me the shoe. So we peel the other platform off too, but that makes it worse. No other option: we have to leave, get another pair of shoes, and come back.

We're almost at the front when this spunky lady in a shiny blue geisha dress tells us we're going the wrong way. I explain the shoe crisis. The lady is horrified and immediately offers to help:
"I'm Sabrina. I run "Go Cocktails" upstairs. I have flip flops! Why don't you borrow my flip flops?!"
Omg you're a life-saver.
We slink back past half-naked staff to the cocktail girls' dressing rooms. It's very behnid-the-scenes. Sabrina's Aunt pops in to help. We're trying to unlace K's heels- these things are done up like Victorian shoes - and Aunt's fingers just fly down the hooks and laces while I'm still trying to undo the knot on the other shoe.

K isn't thrilled, but this seems like Best Case Scenario to me. We muck back up the stairs, and the next floor is awesome- lottsa people and drinks. VIP is on the roof, and the only way up is one very slow elevator. A crowd of mutinous drunk people mulls around in line, including this agressive zombie I have to give a mean look to. This giant evil pumpkin head guy walks out of a wall and glances around before running off. We see him again once 20 of us have squeezed onto the elevator. His pumpkin face is pressed up against the glass from outside while he pounds the walls and his demonic red eyes flash.

The doors finally open into a dark hallway that leads into open air - food and drinks and a skyline view. We're 2 seconds into rounding the room when a...cannibal? some guy comes up to us and starts chatting. He pulls us over to his friends, a nun who does not look holy, a red riding hood, and a mobster guy. "How old are you?" he ends up asking.

"Guess," I say. They always think I'm younger.

He narrows his eyes. "21?" I wonder what he would have said if it wasn't obviously a drinking event.

"Did you come together?" one of the girls asks, maybe the nun. We say we did, and they "Ahhh." I'm pretty sure they think we're lesbians.

We chat some more and then I decide it's drink time. The Go Cocktails table has lots of girly drinks, so it's hard to choose. I make a dumb choice with a sugar-free cosmo. Nothing sugar free ever tastes right! But it's pretty. It's also super strong, and I feel it about a quarter of the way through.

We people watch for a while, when the Party Animal comes up to us with a monkey head. He has a lot of beers around his waist and I tell him so, because it's disconcerting to have someone with a monkey head stare at you and not say anything. He takes off the head and starts talking. He's really nice, but it comes out in kind of a slur.

He asks how old we are. ("Howz old mmmz r yoo?") I tell him to guess. He says 21 too. I laugh, and he looks confused. He starts telling us how to make a good drink and something about the West Side.

We wander back down to the dinosaur area below and hear some kind of pulsating loud house music coming around a corner. It's the planetarium- massive laser show. Kids are slinking all around the walls and strung out of the floor staring up. A laser of a giant desk lamp floats around with some trapezoid shapes shaking. A Nordic guy sees me taking pics and leans around my shoulder. He wants me to take a pic through his 3D glasses to see the effect (blurry, btw). He lets us keep the glasses, but they're not 3D after all. They split each image up into about 15 litle images all spinning around. It's too trippy for me. But I loved it.

We make it out to dinosaurs and weird ameoba-like creatures and camwhore. Then the ambiguously gay duo rushes past to take over the costume contest. There are at least 2 people way taller than me - a giant alien and a tan cute guy dressed as a nerd. We make another trip to VIP. They had pasta, for heaven's sake, and I'm going to make use of my $!

We head out before closing, b/c K's a little down about the shoes. We're able to get them back and leave Sabrina's flip flops in the dressing room.
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Overall, I liked it. I was really glad we went. Really sucks about the shoes, but lucky it worked out. Overpriced though. I think next year I'll go all out.

Atlantic people

Bl-ahh. Gonna write a novel-ish post about the Gravedigger's Ball, but not tonight. Had a horribly stressful day and had to go grocery shopping after work. In a moment of weakness, I bought....cookies. :( FML. They had sprinkles and were so pretty. :/

Such a crazy week. Imma chill out tonight and maybe paint cause I won't get a break now until the weekend. But first: cooking pierogies (spelling?). I feel unsettled.

Completely wrong and right, at once

After my Saturday night plan for Dave and Busters was RUINED (among other plans for the weekend, thank YOU), I ended up rounding peoples together for Urban Flats. Urban Flats (in Jax southside, not beaches) has a totally different flair than the ones in Orlando or Bradenton. It's huge, and so crowded you can barely find parking. I decided to throw some money around and bought the most delicious martini of my life.

My new drink of choice will be: the martini (not including the appletini, which I had an unpleasant experience with). Martinis are overpriced until you're actually drinking them, upon which point you realize the $ is SO worth it. Mas, mas, mas.

I'm trying to keep my head above the constant death and depression surrounding my life. HOW CHEERY!! I think everyone is. It's just....I mean, we're all realists here. And reality does go in one direction. In the end, we may be faced with a reality that I'm already anticipating (darkly) but not prepared to handle.

So I plan on attending a lot of happy hours. I am going to fulfill that prophecy I made back Senior year in the apartment living room. I'll be here and you'll be there, etc. Lol, well another step closer. I can practically see the future. What a mess things are. I got myself into a baby shower this week (what was I thinking? It's like I blocked how awkward the last one was from memory). Got someone's going-away party. Hopefully Orlando this weekend for roomie reunion!!

I was reading this Orlando Weekly I'd saved and comparing it to the Folio Weekly. Why have I always thought these 2 cities have such different atmospheres? No one else ever notices this. I wish I had a way to remove the bias of my experiences and evaluate the 2 from a blank slate. Regardless of anything, I still miss Orlando. If I was rich, I think I'd buy a condo there for the weekends.

You can't depend on anyone for good bacon these days. Even Metro Diner disappointed. We went there Saturday and they had a kid's drawing on the wall that I recognized from my first visit in August of 2008, the day after I moved back to Jax. 2 years feels like 20.

E and her bf have been trying to get me to meet this guy since summer started, and I just refuse. There is only one man in all of Jax I'd like to get to know more, and he is undateable b/c 1) he smokes, and 2) he's about 10 yrs. older than me.

Que lastima, but who has the time? At any rate, I forgot my pain meds at home. Of course, it's turning out to be a SUPER fun day. I'll see the doctor in October and plan to ask for something drastic. I cannot afford to spend 1/4 of my life curled up in pain! They should make sick days for this kind of thing.

Oh, and California Pizza Kitchen finally opening in the Town Center. People love this place. I had someone refer to it today as "CPK." Acronyms = adoration. Well I think it's overrated. People like to rave about mom and pop Italian places, or trendy places, but no matter where you go, Olive Garden always ends up with the best food. CPK (ha) is a bit small, pricey, and you don't get much. My meal was sooo small, and the foccascia (sp?) was inadequate. Maybe I was just irritated because this girl next to me was SOO loud. Or maybe I should have ordered a martini.

Hello Summer!

It's been a pretty good first half of Monday. Which makes me super hesitant about being happy for the rest of the day. Who knows what disaster awaits? Or maybe the disasters are waiting for later in the week. Prolly.

I am feeling today:
content
accomplished
slightly stupid
cold

28 geese floated across the golf course lake yesterday at once.
Much shopping with different shopping buddies took place. Lots of deals. OMG deals, deals, deals. I get like, metaphoric, simultaneous hearts and dollar signs in my eyes. Swoontastically happy.

Things to do outside of work this week:
exercise...duh
get coat altered...and while I'm at it, 2 or 3 suits
sew hems on 3 pairs of pants
sew loose buttons. I hate sewing.
iron
hang painting and feather masks
dinner with Esa at Bento
finish my painting
oil change (whine, whine, whine)
check and refill tires
thank you card
see Eclipse (ahem...yeah ok)
Bachelorette Monday Night

I can't believe I watch that stupid show. I *know* it's stupid and rigged and horrid and I can't....stop...watching it! I can't wait for her to get rid of the guy that got that stupid tattoo. I think she should go with the guy that looks like Fry. He seems pretty genuinely sweet. I'm glad I don't have much going on socially this week b/c I really do have to make progress with these chores.

I have 100% decided to buy a pet pig. I will have a 1-2 year plan. I must save up for him, and get a big living space. Ok, if it's a house...that'll be more than a 2 year plan. And I'd like to have kids someday...so I hope pigs get along with children. I was looking through that giant coffee table zodiac book to see who Tauruses are compatible with (answer: no one except Picses apparently. Well that's the "most ideal" match. Who the heck is a Picses? No one! I don't want to date a Picses!) when I found this thing saying the ideal pet for a Taurus is: a pot bellied pig!!!

OMG! Not as good as a tea cup pig...but close. How true is this!!! Meant to be....

And then I'm going to take a week (yes a full week!) off of work to travel to those random exits no one goes to in Florida with my pig, my camera, and a gun (to be safe) and just photo-document the entire area. Maybe I'll buy it little shoes.

Quarantine wasn't a great movie. Everyone says REC is better...I disagree. I think it just got there first. But then, I may be biased...Jay Hernandez is in it. He is so good looking and likable; I'm surprised he doesn't find more work. Although Jennifer Carpenter's in it too..and she got terrible in the last 15 minutes.

Bad Sketch Dump

Woke up at 9 today after 15 hours of sleep. Didn't even eat dinner. *sigh* Just when I think I'm getting better, I realize, I'm probably still dying or something. Or it could be just the stress.


Did some messy sketches a week or so ago one morning when I was B.O.R.E.D. I keep thinking sometime soon I'll be capable of drawing something real. This is a doodle >

Doodles happen when you're on the phone. Then I tried sketching from some internet picz. That's different than sketching from photos, because you can't see anything clearly. This is Show Luo and Rainie from Hi My Sweetheart, which is either cute or stupid; not sure. I love Show Luo's wig...I went to middle school with a boy with mushroom hair.

It's terrible though because Rainie ended up looking REALLY off. So then I did this one, with Nai Nai and Anson from FTLY, and both look o.k. separately, but together the sizes are off. This is because I was too lazy to do figure mapping. I started with the right side of Nai Nai and ended with the left side of Anson. If you don't do at least a general map before you start, one side of a pic almost always ends up the wrong size (or squished or running off the page.)

The only one I did a proper job with is this one with Rainie and Wil Pan. I love them in Miss No Good! :) Anyhow, crappy unfinished sketches like this are wastes of time. I have a canvas ready to go, but I've been too tired/obsessed with finding Slovakian disco music lately to focus. Luckily I finally found a file of Pravda Vit'azi! :)

The best sketch by far though is this one. This personifies how I feel at any given moment.

Well, if it doesn't rain, I have a Hare Krishna (spelling?) festival to get to and a new wardrobe to buy. If I feel like jumping the gun, that is.

the third galaxy

I look ridiculously forward to very small, insignificant events. It's because I don't have enough fun in my life. I'm super excited art walk is tomorrow, omgz.

You know how everyone flocks to see the Mona Lisa? And it's such a small and not particularly interesting painting. Not especially unique. A lot of paintings had small hints of smiles. I don't see what the big deal is. I look at all those people and deem them art fools, but then, if I was there, I'd crowd around to see it too, just because OMG it's the Mona Lisa (!!!) and it's so famous, you just have to lay your eyes on it (!!!). But seriously. People just hear enough that something is great and they perpetuate that idea, regardless of how they really feel about it. I think academically, art discussion should be about measurable elements: composition, color, expression, era, popularity, etc. Not greatness. I wish more people opened up their minds. Close-mindedness is a total dream killer.

I've been getting a lot of conflicting advice from people over an issue that I shouldn't even be talking/thinking about. Because, apparently with the other party concerned, it's a non-issue. Which is...fair. In my defense, I'm a girl. I'm pretty sure all girls have this focus sometimes. Especially me, because I lack the ability to separate an event from its complete historical context, which makes for drive-you-mad ruminations. (Ruminations = psychology's kiss of death (mental wellness-wise.) And then there's my emotions, oh geez. Latest advice, pull a literary "On second thought....wtf?" But I don't think I'm going there.

Sigh. I was in physical pain for all of Thursday through Sunday, so the weekend wasn't *fantastic*, per say. I did grab some fabulous Express shirts and dumplings from Bentos. Someone suggested a model for my summer shoot that's a blonde. I really didn't want to go in that direction. I wanted dark skin and hair...but I could find a way to make blonde work. I want to use the new car (spitfire) as a prop. I think her hair might clash. :/

Tarantino, and possibly Eli Roth, have awesome taste in music. Everyone knows how great the Kill Bill soundtracks are. I'm upset that the Hostel soundtrack, at least on ITunes, is crap. Well, orchestrated pieces only, which isn't crap, it's just that I wanted the foreign disco music. Treti Galaxie (aka Stella Stai) is the best song to dance around your room to. So happy happy happy, unlike Hostel itself. I love Hostel! Or Jay Hernandez and disco music..I'm not really clear on which.

ITunes is finally getting some world music, but they're super slow about it. Like, wtf? And raising some prices, to $1.29. Um, nooo. :(
Don't like.
I'm going to redo my whole Itunes library, and I need to buy a lot.

I have this canvas waiting to be gessoed and I kind of know what I want to paint, but then I stare at it for a while, and find a way to avoid it. Someone needs to lock me in my room so I have no choice.

Busy week. Tomorrow's almost here!

Beaches Art Walk

Bored to death. Got so used to talking to J or going out during lunch that being here in the quiet with the rain clouds rolling in is...sad. I should have brought a bigger lunch so I wouldn't have 1/2 an hour to kill. Of course, I could always do extra work. heh. I'm going to write a lot...

Not an eventful weekend. Went out to a few places and also did stuff with the fam, like testing out the inflatable kayak in Dor's pool. ....yeah.
I'm at a housekeeping point of time. I massively cleaned out my entire room after college, and now I need to do the same. I waver between wanting to throw away everything (literally. Like, all keepsakes and books and decorations) and wanting to leave it all there, because, who really cares?

No, I really just hate cleaning.

Am still excited about the beaches art walk last Thursday. Amazing vibe. It was like, lacking the urban dirt feel of downtown and also the polished business-like feel, and instead felt more...I dunno. Friendly? Downtown can be friendly...but the Artistree was seriously friendly, open. We walk up the side looking at wall art, and then at the printing counter, this blonde girl starts chatting us up immediately about printing on tin foil and such. Nice, interesting. I guess she's just practicing good customer service, but it felt friendly. She reminded me of Heidi. We wandered down the other side until the owner himself came around and took us on a tour of their studios. I wasn't entirely sure they had studios, because, beyond a curtain, you can't see what's back there. But they do! This entire hallway with paintings on high ceilings, and then rooms of studio space. Wine, dine, paint? Excellent. Very cool. It really made me miss UCF art department. Or high school art department.

I think I'm at the place I was in after my first 2 years of college, when I had ignored art in favor of practical things and ended up really depressed over it. I wouldn't say I was happy afterwards, but life improved greatly. My life now would probably improve greatly if I started doing art again.

I just don't know what's WRONG with me. I never had this problem for 22 years of life. But for the past couple years, it's just really hard, overall, to create anything. I'll just stare at a canvas, or piece of paper. And think of some crappy ideas. But...I dunno. I think I want to. I really miss it. I better just do it then. Paint something, anything, and if I paint enough, something will be good enough for...the public, or for me.

I remember at the end of high school, I went back to MHS to deliver Mrs. D her commissioned painting - a canal scene in Venice - and she told me that I would be in my 40s when I did art again. You think you'll have time, but you don't. You get a job, and there goes your life.
It was the most depressing thing I'd ever heard. And I felt really incredulous. Like, yeah right, maybe some people, but not me! And then here I am.

The worst part is, it didn't even take a job. Summer of 08 before I even started working, I had all the time in the world and still didn't. Why am I broken?

Here is what I have to do outside of work this week (blah):
drycleaning.
alterations....grrr
sweep floors
go through closet
reorganize and put away all photo equipment and props
hang up painting/feathered masks
exercise
go through my entire credit union banking history
thank you notes

I'd so much rather meet up with someone for Happy Hour or figure drawing.

On another note, finally watched the first episode of Easy Fortune Happy Life. I was expecting a lot, because I like Chen Qiao En (from Fated to Love You!) and Blue Lan (the guy) is hot. And it looked cute. But I dunno. I hadn't realized Nai Nai's story involved being duped by the guy she loved. I mean seriously, he gives her this pocket watch and says he'll come back for her. He never comes back, and she holds onto the watch even when they need to pawn it for food...because she cares so much. Oh, and he had stolen her family's recipe, which has enabled him to live a filthy rich life. Wtf. What a wonderful guy! So worth cherishing his memory!! Puh. We'll see if evil grandson can redeem himself.

My mom is pressuring me to call Uncle J and see his opinion. Why am I reluctant?

I think I'll see if M and/or K wants to go to Artistree next month. Maybe Ocean 60 too. And this whole time, I'd thought it was @ Ponte Vedra!

Post-It Sketch

Drawing on post-it notes is a good time waster. I'm on the quest for the perfect dress for a Spring wedding. I suffered a crushing set-back today, finding that all the BEST dresses are at Anthropologie for a minimum of $100. I'm not sure I can justify that for a dress I only wear once. :(

I'm 90% sure I'm going to Cumberland Island this weekend for the first time in almost 14 years, and I'm sooo excited!!!!!! I had better find what I did with my knife in case some forest creatures attack us. I had no camera last time, and THIS time, I shall have my DSLR. Yay!

Dui Le!

I woke up in SUCH a good mood today for the first time in I dunno how long. 12 hours of sleep, so thankfully I feel awake, getting up at 8 to sunny skies and a positive weekend ahead that shall include: Bentos, maybe Mochi, seeing Esa, working on the potato painting, and baking a friend's birthday cake. I *might* even get to bask in the sun if it's warm. *Hopeful!* I am Rapunzel getting a break from her corporate tower.

I had a terrible week but a good night yesterday b/c the parents finally decided to do happy hour with me of their own volition, and for once, no one was depressed. I love Red Elephant! I learned that I suck at happy hour. I just don't get thirsty enough do drink 2 margheritas (sp?). I don't see why you can't get 1/2 price off just one. Anyway, we talked about my grandpa - who's finally having some positivity in his life after 5+ years. I'm so proud of him! His life is like a movie.

He went on a date with this lady who is rich because of her jerk ex-husband, and she seems so sweet. Also, he met this young foreigner who's helping him learn this other language in exchange for help with English, and this guy sounds so nice. Trying to save money to send to his wife and kids back home. I think it's genuine. Sometimes I feel so jaded, I think everything I hear is BS. Sometimes it's hard to believe that some people out there are truly good and selfless.

Painting again has required listening to music, and I'm realizing there are a lot of good songs I found over the last 6 mos. or so.

Arcade Fire - Wake Up This is my favorite.
Prodigy - Spitfire
Lady Antebellum - the one where they go "I neeeed you now." I overlook my no-country rule for that song.
Coheed and Cambria - Welcome Home (the instrumental part)
that Benny and the Jetts song where they go "you know I read it in a magaziinnnneee"
Black Eyed Peas - Imma Be (after a couple times, this is cool and not retarded sounding.)
that Weezer song where they go "Girl! If you're wondering, if I want you too..."
(Is it "too" or "to?")

There was this guy yesterday with those pointy Italian-looking business shoes and parking spot on the second floor. He must make a lot of money, but he can't be over 30. My guess is 28. I don't like it when guys wear pointy business shoes.

Time to paint potato-sky. :)

I need to work on actually learning names of songs.

Facebook Stalking and PC Crap

Another day at work made sad by the noisy parade going on below and the fact that I can't join it. :(

Facebook Stalking

So people on Facebook are into these apps that give you an ordered list of people who frequently look at your profile. I've been tagged in a few of these, and I always think, "wtf?" because it's always someone who's profile I hardly, if ever, look at. This guy today, I mean I know/remember him of course, but I can't even remember the last time I clicked on his profile. So I'm pretty suspicious about the way facebook makes these lists. Maybe they're random?

If I ever show up on someone's stalker list who I actually do check out, I guess I won't be able to argue. But anyhow, the entire point of stalking is not to have your stalkable actions emblazoned for all the world to see. If someone is stalking you, you don't tag them in a happy little list, you stalk them back to see what they're up to that would make them want to stalk you.....at least, that's what I'd do/have done. An eye for an eye!

*Disclaimer- By stalking, I mean ala Facebook, not the scary standing outside someone's house stalking.

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I have a feeling this is one of the posts I'll delete soon...

It's interesting being white, because you're not racially marginalized while everyone else is (I am not about to discuss reverse discrimination here). I mostly hang out with other white people. I don't go out and say, "Hm you're a white person; let's be friends;" things have just worked out that way (I'm talking mostly about casual, peripheral relationships). But my entire network is not white, and is certainly not limited to a WASP culture. Sometimes I forget that that WASP-ish/white culture is default in this part of the south if you're white (and historically...), because I am/have been close to people of different backgrounds. Also, going through the programs I did in college and being involved with HR now, it does influence your thoughts.

I'm thinking of this now b/c in expanding my social network, I sometimes come across white people from my background and realize, in talking with them, that they see race differently than I do. It's a little surprising, cause I've gotten un-used to that perspective, and little awkward, because it puts you in the position of, "what do I do?"

Because I'm white, I can just not do anything, overlook it, and everything will be seamless- no one will notice. I'm not, for the record, talking about mean statements or behavior, just a comment/s with no positive or negative connotation but that still serve to marginalize, or at least separate. It's that racism where perfectly nice people who have no malintent say something that let's you know what color is norm in their world.

At what point do you actually bring up "race" as a topic in response to detecting this? Is there even a point in me doing this? Is it even my job to try to educate someone when I really have no relevant base? (No, it isn't.) In other words, because I'm white, how can I be an authority on racial marginalization? I can't. And no one wants to hear that "Well my best friend/ this awesome guy I worked with/ this guy I used to date...was a different race."

I guess if you're white, and born into a white family, with white neighbors, hanging out in the white circle at school, going to a predominately white school, and growing up to be in a job with other white people....how can you blame anyone for not being broad minded racially? It probably doesn't seem applicable to them, because their lives will probably continue to be mostly white.

Geez, I'm making no sense at all. :/