Post-It Sketch

Drawing on post-it notes is a good time waster. I'm on the quest for the perfect dress for a Spring wedding. I suffered a crushing set-back today, finding that all the BEST dresses are at Anthropologie for a minimum of $100. I'm not sure I can justify that for a dress I only wear once. :(

I'm 90% sure I'm going to Cumberland Island this weekend for the first time in almost 14 years, and I'm sooo excited!!!!!! I had better find what I did with my knife in case some forest creatures attack us. I had no camera last time, and THIS time, I shall have my DSLR. Yay!

Dui Le!

I woke up in SUCH a good mood today for the first time in I dunno how long. 12 hours of sleep, so thankfully I feel awake, getting up at 8 to sunny skies and a positive weekend ahead that shall include: Bentos, maybe Mochi, seeing Esa, working on the potato painting, and baking a friend's birthday cake. I *might* even get to bask in the sun if it's warm. *Hopeful!* I am Rapunzel getting a break from her corporate tower.

I had a terrible week but a good night yesterday b/c the parents finally decided to do happy hour with me of their own volition, and for once, no one was depressed. I love Red Elephant! I learned that I suck at happy hour. I just don't get thirsty enough do drink 2 margheritas (sp?). I don't see why you can't get 1/2 price off just one. Anyway, we talked about my grandpa - who's finally having some positivity in his life after 5+ years. I'm so proud of him! His life is like a movie.

He went on a date with this lady who is rich because of her jerk ex-husband, and she seems so sweet. Also, he met this young foreigner who's helping him learn this other language in exchange for help with English, and this guy sounds so nice. Trying to save money to send to his wife and kids back home. I think it's genuine. Sometimes I feel so jaded, I think everything I hear is BS. Sometimes it's hard to believe that some people out there are truly good and selfless.

Painting again has required listening to music, and I'm realizing there are a lot of good songs I found over the last 6 mos. or so.

Arcade Fire - Wake Up This is my favorite.
Prodigy - Spitfire
Lady Antebellum - the one where they go "I neeeed you now." I overlook my no-country rule for that song.
Coheed and Cambria - Welcome Home (the instrumental part)
that Benny and the Jetts song where they go "you know I read it in a magaziinnnneee"
Black Eyed Peas - Imma Be (after a couple times, this is cool and not retarded sounding.)
that Weezer song where they go "Girl! If you're wondering, if I want you too..."
(Is it "too" or "to?")

There was this guy yesterday with those pointy Italian-looking business shoes and parking spot on the second floor. He must make a lot of money, but he can't be over 30. My guess is 28. I don't like it when guys wear pointy business shoes.

Time to paint potato-sky. :)

I need to work on actually learning names of songs.

Facebook Stalking and PC Crap

Another day at work made sad by the noisy parade going on below and the fact that I can't join it. :(

Facebook Stalking

So people on Facebook are into these apps that give you an ordered list of people who frequently look at your profile. I've been tagged in a few of these, and I always think, "wtf?" because it's always someone who's profile I hardly, if ever, look at. This guy today, I mean I know/remember him of course, but I can't even remember the last time I clicked on his profile. So I'm pretty suspicious about the way facebook makes these lists. Maybe they're random?

If I ever show up on someone's stalker list who I actually do check out, I guess I won't be able to argue. But anyhow, the entire point of stalking is not to have your stalkable actions emblazoned for all the world to see. If someone is stalking you, you don't tag them in a happy little list, you stalk them back to see what they're up to that would make them want to stalk you.....at least, that's what I'd do/have done. An eye for an eye!

*Disclaimer- By stalking, I mean ala Facebook, not the scary standing outside someone's house stalking.

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I have a feeling this is one of the posts I'll delete soon...

It's interesting being white, because you're not racially marginalized while everyone else is (I am not about to discuss reverse discrimination here). I mostly hang out with other white people. I don't go out and say, "Hm you're a white person; let's be friends;" things have just worked out that way (I'm talking mostly about casual, peripheral relationships). But my entire network is not white, and is certainly not limited to a WASP culture. Sometimes I forget that that WASP-ish/white culture is default in this part of the south if you're white (and historically...), because I am/have been close to people of different backgrounds. Also, going through the programs I did in college and being involved with HR now, it does influence your thoughts.

I'm thinking of this now b/c in expanding my social network, I sometimes come across white people from my background and realize, in talking with them, that they see race differently than I do. It's a little surprising, cause I've gotten un-used to that perspective, and little awkward, because it puts you in the position of, "what do I do?"

Because I'm white, I can just not do anything, overlook it, and everything will be seamless- no one will notice. I'm not, for the record, talking about mean statements or behavior, just a comment/s with no positive or negative connotation but that still serve to marginalize, or at least separate. It's that racism where perfectly nice people who have no malintent say something that let's you know what color is norm in their world.

At what point do you actually bring up "race" as a topic in response to detecting this? Is there even a point in me doing this? Is it even my job to try to educate someone when I really have no relevant base? (No, it isn't.) In other words, because I'm white, how can I be an authority on racial marginalization? I can't. And no one wants to hear that "Well my best friend/ this awesome guy I worked with/ this guy I used to date...was a different race."

I guess if you're white, and born into a white family, with white neighbors, hanging out in the white circle at school, going to a predominately white school, and growing up to be in a job with other white people....how can you blame anyone for not being broad minded racially? It probably doesn't seem applicable to them, because their lives will probably continue to be mostly white.

Geez, I'm making no sense at all. :/

The Longest Day

Finally home from work, and after a shower/typical attempt at glamming, I will be off to the Blue Moon Ball!!!

2009 was a busy year, but today was not a busy day. The majority of it was spent doing non-work things, like the sketch below.



Oh boredom.
That's a bow if you can't tell. And an ugly poof skirt dress I made up. I have this thing about ugly fashion that people wouldn't wear. It's just so fun. And then instead of studying employment law, I drew the book cover model. Oh well!

2010, please don't suck!

Killer Plants and the Yuppie Factor

Huh, I thought about not writing so many time-killing, pointless entries here, but extreme boredom always throws my plans. We have about a million cookies in the office and I've been eating them ALL; it's terrible. I had like 4 cookies this morning, and now I feel like I'm on drugs. It's very quiet, and I was trying to sit very still and study my employment law books, and all the while, my eyes feel jittery and I want to run up and down the hallway. This is not healthy for my blood sugar.

I fell asleep last night right after watching this movie with Zoey D---? and I think Mark Whalberg?... where everyone is randomly dying and running for their lives (ala War of the Worlds)- but it's the plants that are killing them. The plants, the plants!! Anyway, so I had this dream that basically mirrored the movie...

I was in this really long rustic house, and I had a kid with me. Not my kid, just some kid, and I was pulling her around by the hand cause we knew something was up. And there were other kids of various ages throughout the house. At one point, we thought it was one of the housemates (doing I dunno what, killing?) and we were lurking in his room with the lights off, and we heard him walk in...so we scurry for the closet!! And he finds us immediately. But it was okay. He was just creepy; he didn't really care. He was also a vampire. Maybe the one from that commercial. Then we're making our way to the end of the house, and no one knows what's going on. The last room at the end, an old ex-bf of mine, T, is randomly sitting there watching tv or something. We were not dating in this dream; I don't know what he was doing there. There's another kid in the room. And T is like, "I don't know who it is..." and his eyes are staring straight ahead glazed over at the tv. And then his eyes kind of shift, ala Wade in House of Wax, over to the side, without his head moving, and uck it was just the creepiest thing ever!!!

So we knew right then, because of his shifty eyes, that he was the killer, and he might have known that we knew. But you know how, when your life is threatened, you try to play it cool, or oblivious..b/c you don't want to make the killer act fast? And so you can buy more time? So I'm just like, "Oh okay.." and we wander out of the room trying not to run. And the kid with me was so well behaved. I didn't have to explain to her why we weren't running; she just got it.

It was very creepy. You can always see psychotic tendencies in the eyes in dreams.

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I do NOT want to be in the house Christmas Eve or much of Christmas Day. I better stock up on gas so I can drive around. This may be a good time for taking my likely-illegal urban garage pictures. I don't think anyone would be around to catch us. I don't know why there are rules against photographing structures anyway. It's kind of an after-the-fact rule.

The unnamed quality that bothers me, on a personal note, is the "yuppie" factor. Someone explained to me that this meant "Young Urban Professionals," but that's not exactly how I've heard it used. *You* know yuppies- in the 90s the guys would wear polos and khakis with a sweater over their shoulders, sipping wine and beer at the TPC, with their blonde yuppie girlfriends with fake tans.

I am not, will never be, and will never want to be yuppie. Therefore, the intersection of my life with such a factor is illogical and should be avoided. HA!

Waxing Philosophical

FB should add an "LOL" option for statuses...and maybe a "wth?" option as well.

I'm so irritated today. I am just in a *mood* and I feel like screaming at someone. The Mad Tea Party situation normally does not get to me, but this week it has. I'm just short on patience and dissatisfied with my life and tired of being peaceable.
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels and at some point, I'm going to want to climb out of the rut but won't know where to go. Back to school is the smartest option. But I'm *still* sick of school. Given my work experiences post-college, I'm not sure education is even relevant to most positions now. Exceptions: engineering, nursing, upper-level medical. I've been on the employer side of the fence long enough to see how other things matter so much more.

I alternate in a bipolar way between feeling enthused and pleased with myself in this job, and feeling like a misfit/failure. Everything about this job goes against my nature. Here's my nature: introverted, doesn't care for most people, likes sweaters and being warm, avoids numbers. Here's this job: total opposite. And it's okay. I think it's healthy to challenge yourself, and I'm learning enough. My brain isn't rotting here. Personal growth is a given here. But...always a but. I think it's because I'm a Taurus.

Taurus is the most stubborn zodiac sign, because it's both fixed and earth. So we hate change, hate pressure. Like things slow, steady, comfortable. But we're also loyal and perservere (sp?). That's a conflicting combination of traits. Say you get in a situation you're not comfortable with, well you try to make it work no matter what. Never give up! etc etc. And that can be unhealthy. I've had that situation with my choice of university, with a job in high school, and with a long-running relationship. I let all 3 go on longer than I should. In the end, I was sane enough to walk away from 2 of the 3.

I dunno. I want to stay here. I just want other things too, and I can't have them. I wonder if life is ever about finding happiness, or if it really is just about meeting challenges and hardship and not giving up.

I could have used another 2 hours of sleep today.

Dream Sketches

I'm feeling truly sour today. Nothing particularly bad even. Have someone crash into my car...again....did not start my week off well. How is it that you can go 7 + years driving without a single accident, then get hit twice in a 5 month period? This just proves that driving in downtown Jax is a deathtrap. Not that I'm hurt. Just...inconvenienced.

I've been thinking a lot about dreams lately b/c I had a string of them in the past week that I remember really vividly, which is rare. Why is this? Who knows. Anyhow I got bored this weekend in between cooking sessions and did some quick sketches so I wouldn't forget.

In one I remember cutting my hair really short, all choppy-like, and dying it pink. It looked grungy and amazing. I was SO excited, but I did it on impulse and instantly remembered I'd have to go back to work, and I can't have hair like that. What to do?!! I was immensely panicked.
It looked something like this:


Then I was in this huge room with massive rectangular pillars lining a walkway through the center, with weird curves in relief and water running down them. You couldn't really see the water until you got really close, and I walked up to one and put my hands and face in it, which is weird.

It was very dark and cooling. And then there were tons of people, and someone was there, and I asked him to grab me dinner from the gourmet buffet, and he brought back salad. Like..a huge plate of just lettuce. And I was really upset.


And then I (and someone else, dunno who) were running for our lives, and we sprinted so fast our feet weren't touching the ground, and we had to jump through these hoops and doors that were closing. We reached the end in time, I think, by slamming against the glass. There were doctors on the other side.

Then I had this other dream that I really have forgotten except for this part where a bunch of us were running around in odd clothing and I was with this guy that I knew...we paused and my dad steps out of this mirrored closet like a ghost holding a picture of a pink elephant with weird pink markings on it:

It was very weird, and I'm not sure what that's supposed to symbolize, but as crappy as this sketch is, that's pretty much exactly how it looked. Except my dad looks Mexican there or something. Bah.

I also had this dream involving inheriting an old mansion with a Spaceship-Earth-ish ride inside of it, but I didn't draw that one. I am so beyond exhausted. Dor made an orange cake for us, and I think she got the recipe from Blue Bamboo's owner. Go us! So lucky.

Pshhh MySpace

It's not meant for blogging anyway. I'm moving my drivel here, at least for now. We'll see if I get unlazy enough to figure this site out.

Went to the hospital last night after a very half-hearted Art Walk (and after work). Rain is just upsetting. Got to the hospital around 7 p.m. and the place was deserted. I hadn't figured on feeling so awkward. After all, I go to M hospital sometimes for work and meetings, so I'm not out of the medical loop....it's just different to go for a personal reason I guess. So all I knew was to go to Tower D and the room #. I stroll on back, past almost no one except a couple guys in scrubs, dripping wet from the rain everywhere, and eventually end up there, my high heels making all kinds of clacking. It doesn't matter where or when you go, patient rooms always smell like a mix of chicken soup and urine. I hate that environment. It feels exactly like it did all those years. I guess I haven't been in a hospital for family since I was...16? I'm so glad she was only there for 1 night. I stayed a couple hours, got home and had dinner by 10.

Today was cr-a-zy... *Sigh* In a good mood though. Cooked omelettes for the fam. So domestic. I want to wear my headband and go back to Bento this weekend. And try making a pie out of lemons.

My horoscope book says Taurus is one of the feminine zodiac signs. This also includes Virgo, Capricorn, Cancer, Scorpio, and Pisces. The others are masculine. All my family is a feminine sign. I wonder if feminine signs are supposed to match up with masculine ones...hrrmmm.

Time for bed. I'm exhausted like an old person...it's the blood and the stress. Pfhooh, Where's a cupcake when you need one?